A new school is exciting and stressful for your child and for you. The move to middle school, high school, or college brings new rooms, new people, and new expectations. For a child who already struggles with anxiety, depression, or another mental health concern, the stress can be larger.
You can do a lot to help. The best plan has two parts: set up support before the transition, then keep daily habits steady while it happens. This guide covers both. It also explains how to tell normal adjustment stress from something that needs a therapist.
Before the transition: set up support
Most of these steps apply at every stage. Amanda Scott, one of our therapists, starts by asking whether a child has the supports they need at school, and she works with everyone involved so the plan stays consistent. Aim for the same thing: one team around your child.
1. Meet the school’s mental health support staff
Do not wait for a crisis to learn who can help. For middle and high school, call or meet your child’s counselor before classes begin. Share any concerns so staff can act fast if needed.
For college, ask the counseling center what services are free and how many sessions students get. The first semester is often the most stressful, so know who your student can talk to on campus.
2. Line up a therapist outside school
If your child does not have a therapist and feels anxious about the change, start therapy before the move. If they already see one, ask them to talk through their fears before the first day.
For a college student living away from home, an off-campus therapist adds steady support. Campus counseling often caps the number of sessions per semester. A private therapist does not.
3. Find a local prescriber early if your child takes medication
Local psychiatry appointments can take weeks. Book one within the first two weeks of classes. That gives your student time to build a relationship and share their medication history. Do not change or stop medication without a prescriber’s guidance.
4. Set up school accommodations
For middle and high school, ask the counselor about an IEP or a 504 plan. Request a meeting if your child does not have one and may need it. For college, meet with the disability services office before the first semester. Bring documentation of the diagnosis and ask which accommodations are available, such as extra test time or a reduced course load. Ask about regular check-ins as well.
5. Talk about consent and privacy for a student over 18
At 18, your child is a legal adult. Colleges generally cannot share information about grades, attendance, or health without your student’s permission. Many families ask a student to sign a consent or release form so the school can contact a parent if a concern comes up. A signed form does not guarantee the school will call you. It does give you a way to check in. Talk about the plan together, and let your student choose what to share.
During the transition: keep daily habits steady
Encourage small-group connection
Worries about friends and fitting in peak in the first semester. A club, team, or activity gives your child a built-in group with shared interests. Drama, band, chess, science, and intramural sports all work. Small orientations also help, because your child can learn the campus without the whole school around.
Protect sleep
Teens need 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. A steady bedtime and wake time help most. Talk about study habits, because late-night cramming costs more sleep than it saves.
Move and spend time outside
Regular exercise can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. A daily walk with a friend counts. Time outdoors adds a calming effect.
Eat regularly and avoid alcohol and drugs
Balanced meals support mood and focus. Alcohol and drugs worsen mood, sleep, and anxiety, and they interact with many medications. Talk about this before college move-in, without judgment.
Stay connected without hovering
Schedule a regular check-in call or text time, and ask open questions such as “What was the best and hardest part of your week?” Cyndi Marquez, one of our therapists, reminds parents that they know their child best. Watch for withdrawal from family or friends, loss of interest in hobbies, changes in sleep or eating, and dropping grades.
Jami Aitken, our Director of Clinical Services, notes that teens with anxiety often show it through mood swings, avoiding school or social settings, perfectionism, and a need for constant reassurance. They rarely say “I feel anxious.” Learn more about anxiety and depression in teens and young adults.
How to Tell When It Is More Than Typical School Stress
We asked Liz Pusateri, LPC, NCC, a Dayrise therapist who works with children, teens, and families, how parents can tell the difference. Her first point: children do not process emotions the way adults do.
Distress often shows up in the body
Children cannot always put feelings into words, because language and the parts of the brain that handle emotion are still developing. Distress can look like headaches, stomachaches, frequent illness, or delays in speech and milestones. It can also look like severe anger or sadness outbursts, defiance, or trouble following instructions. A stomachache on school mornings is a good example.
Look at frequency, duration, and severity
One hard week during a transition is normal. A pattern is a different story. Ask how often outbursts or symptoms happen, how long they last, and how severe they are. Tears and words that fit your child’s age are one thing. Throwing things and hitting people are another. Also notice whether the struggles show up in more than one place: at home, at school, in activities, and at friends’ houses. When they do, it is time to seek professional help.
Quiet kids struggle too
Children who act out get noticed. Children who isolate, play only by themselves, or pull away can be just as distressed. Watch for both. Trouble paying attention, listening to directions, or accepting limits at school can also be signs, because school is the main place besides home where children spend their time.
Children who misbehave are not bad kids
Behavior and regulation difficulties are complex. They reflect what a child has learned and lived, such as a move, a divorce, a loss, or an early scare, and they do not predict who your child will become. A child does not need fixing. Therapy helps manage symptoms and heal hurts, and it keeps expectations realistic for your child’s age.
Make the school and the therapist one team
Parents are almost always part of child therapy, through family sessions or parent coaching. At home you can practice coping skills and set clear boundaries, play with your child, and be a safe place for hard feelings. Expect progress to be slow. Behavior can get worse before it gets better, especially when you start setting limits. When treatment is working, you will see better emotional regulation, more resilience and problem solving, and higher self-esteem.
When to get urgent help
Destroying property, hurting others by biting, scratching, kicking, or punching, or self-harm such as head banging, cutting, or burning calls for an immediate professional assessment or crisis support. If your child is in immediate danger, call or text 988, or call 911. Learn more about our child therapy in Lombard and child therapy in Naperville.
Frequently asked questions
How do I help my child with anxiety about starting a new school?
Visit the school together before the first day, walk the schedule, and meet one adult they can go to. Talk about worries openly, and practice a calming skill such as slow breathing. If worries disrupt sleep, eating, or daily life for two weeks or more, ask a therapist for help.
Is it normal for a teen to struggle in the first semester of college?
Yes. Homesickness, a heavier workload, and new routines are common. A pattern of withdrawal, skipped classes, or hopelessness is a different matter, and it deserves attention right away.
Can I get information about my college student’s mental health?
Once your student turns 18, colleges and providers generally need their permission to share information. Ask your student to sign a release, and agree on when you would be contacted.
Should my child start therapy before or after the transition?
Before is better. Starting early gives your child tools and a trusted person before stress peaks. It is also easier to book a first visit before the semester fills up.
What accommodations can a student with anxiety or depression get?
Options include extra time on tests, a quiet testing space, flexible deadlines, and a reduced course load. School counselors and disability offices decide what fits, so ask early and bring documentation.
Need help preparing your child for a school transition?
Dayrise Wellness therapists work with children, teens, and young adults. We help your child build skills and help you feel prepared. We see families at our Lombard and Naperville offices. We are in-network with BlueCross BlueShield PPO, United Healthcare PPO, and Aetna PPO.